One of the gifts of 2020, if we can pull it in close, is that of shattered illusions.
Things may not be as set as they seemed.
Control wasn’t in our grasp.
No one really knows what they’re doing and we sure as heck can’t predict the future.
As the year rounds its end, as the autumn season closes in the northern hemisphere, I’ve been reflecting a lot on digestion, shedding, letting go, shaking off. Harvesting the gifts of what’s here and letting the rest return to the unknown.
In my body this has meant finding the places that are gripping, that are holding to some form of control, and letting them melt, shake, settle.
Loss of control, or surrendering to the reality that I never had it in the first place, welcomes a deep sigh with a nest of relief at the bottom of that exhale.
No control is the seat of agency. No control isn’t chaos, but the womb from which sovereignty is born. Opportunities for response, for emergence.
When I know I don’t have control, I can unfurl my fists and let the outcomes I was holding roll off my palms as my hands open to truly receive what’s here and what’s coming.
Loss of control can feel like losing choice, but perhaps it liberates our choices, invites us to find deeper allegiances to meaning than that of holding tight. An allegiance with faith.
For me, when things feel turned upside down, when what was isn’t, when what seemed so is no longer, I’m pulled right into the immediacy of the moment.
I can panic, flee, rail against. Or I can become so intimate with what’s here. Listen to what’s unseen. Coax what’s emerging. Flirt with a future that’s still in the shadows.
No control is like walking into a ballroom of the unknown.
The mystery is always here, her song beckoning. Let us dance.
If you’re called to settle into reflection, and want to unravel some of this year before entering into 2021…here are some journaling prompts. May they serve.
- What gifts have I received this year, whether welcome or difficult, that I want to harvest and cherish?
- In moments of no control, how have I responded that I am proud of?
- What are the ways in which I’ve been humbled and what am I being guided to let go of?
- What have I cultivated greater trust in and how shall I draw on that trust moving into my unknown future?