It’s a fast paced, moment chasing moments kind of world these days.
Lots to do..places to get…things to acquire…people to impress…goals to accomplish…challenges to overcome…happiness to strive for…relationships to manage…households to run…money to make…
The vitally urgent, oh so inflated sense of importance projected onto everything comes screeching to a halt…when someone dies.
I learned of the death of a colleague yesterday. Shocking. Heartbreaking. The swirl of a day’s agenda enters slow-mo mode. Perspective is taken anew. There is a void. There is deep connecting to do with those who knew her. There is sobbing. There are hearts breaking and opening and bleeding in loss.
There is loss that cripples us and loss that jolts us a little and loss that’s somewhere in between. Then there is life to live afterwards. What is one to do with that? The void that’s left?
It occurs to me that it really takes something to carry on, holding loss and not armoring up against it, not numbing out in order to get back to it.
What helps to face the day to day of living life while carrying that void?
So many seductive little tricks to fill that void. Fill it with lattes and cigarettes and idle chatter. Fill it with e-mails and road rage and shopping trips. Fill it with television and beer and busy thoughts.
So today I am holding the loss, feeling the call to expand myself in order to contain this void and still make breakfast, do dishes, get to work. Moment by moment stay with and not numb against. That’s today, and tomorrow. That’s a lifetime practice I suppose.