Helpers, Givers and Martyrs- Get To The Root Of What You Want. Weekly Practice

I’m super stoked about this one because I think it’s a bit clever. Now that I’m done congratulating myself, let’s chat about this week’s practice.

Got a feedback loop that needs to be kicked apart? How ’bout this one: You pay close attention to what others need from you and do all you can to support them and meet their expectations, while simultaneously being plagued by the gnawing feeling that you’re not quite enough, thus feeling like you need to give more and more of yourself in order to earn or maintain the approval of others or your reputation.

Then try to claim what matters to you and confidently own what your soul’s calling is and what you most want to do with it. Bit tough, I think.

Watch below for a practice that sneaks in through the back door of the habits that come so reflexively.

If you want your own practice, click here.

Practice: Consider this a reflective practice that comes out of noticing and even leveraging your orientation or focus on others and your perceptions of their needs and expectations of you.

During the day, pay attention to any moment when you feel something is needed of you or like you should do or give something. This might be practical actions or qualities that are (or should be) present in you.

Notice which aspects feel off, or not aligned, heavy, draining or a total violation of your soul. Take note. Write ’em down. Voice record. Collect this as data on your soul reflection mission.

Next, pay attention to what feels resonant, energizing, good. Be aware, some stuff may feel good and aligned, so long as you feel solid in yourself and like you’re giving yourself what you need. Notice too, what you need. Write all this down.

Do this for a week or two, noticing and collecting every day. Then, dive a little deeper by reading back through everything you’ve noted and then reflect on these questions:

  1. What themes around what is most resonant, energizing and makes me come alive, am I noticing?
  2. What do I want to pursue further or put more attention on?
  3. What has to go?
  4. What am I seeing about my own personal nourishment needs that need to be in place in order for me to be more available to move into what I’m most called to do?


I’m an Integral Master Coach™, Master Certified Coach, writer, mother & people lover. My gifts are centered around helping others to meet their calling and unleash their genius, on behalf of our shared world. Get to know me...

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